Unconventional lullabies

I have to admit - I’m not very good at lullabies.  I can hum them, but when it comes to singing, it’s often too high of a key, then I forget what all the words are, and then I start making things up, and it goes down hill from there.  Plus, before having Jillian, when did I ever really have the need to sing a lullaby?  They aren’t really the kind of songs you rock out to in the car while playing the steering wheel drums (oh… did I just admit to doing that?!  Yes. Yes I did.)  And I recall an awful time trying to remember a lullaby to calm my niece, and all I could come up with was the Battle Hymn of the Republic (My eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord…).  Not good.

I remember some of the early days with Jillian very vividly.  I was breastfeeding at the time, and was up every 2-3 hours at night to feed her.  She often couldn’t latch, and therefore couldn’t eat, and when she did latch it was like toe-curling pain for me.  We were both very cranky.  She’d cry b/c she was hungry and sleepy, I’d cry because I couldn’t feed her and was exhausted – it was miserable.  One night, I got the bright idea – let’s try singing!  THAT should calm her down!  But that’s when the problem hit – I couldn’t for the life of me think of a song to sing.  No soothing baby lullabies were popping in to my head.  Thanks to her little Glo-worm, I know them now (Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Mockingbird, Frere Jacques, etc), but they were definitely NOT coming to me then, at 2:30 in the morning, when we were both crying. 

So what did I do?  I improvised.

The only songs back then that did pop into my head were rock-out-in-the-car songs.  So I created my own lullabies.  Boom Boom Pow by the Black Eyed Peas became one (sung softly and with less emphasis on the booms), though it was pretty awful.  One favorite was “Sweet Child of Mine” by Guns and Roses (infinitely better than Boom Boom Pow – and Jillian does have ‘eyes of the bluest sky’).  Matt would sing “Three Little Birds” by Bob Marley – she still loves that.  And another favorite that was a popular song last fall, and that really did the trick in the early days was “Say Hey (I Love You)” by Michael Franti.  It’s still one of her favorites today.

But my all-time favorite is “More” by Matthew West.  Matthew West is a Christian music artist. I’ve been listening to Christian radio for about 5 years now – it’s a really nice and encouraging start to my day, and calms me while in the throws of rush hour on I-95. I had heard this song before having Jillian, liked it, but didn’t fully appreciate the lyrics and the beauty of the song until I had such a miracle of a child in my arms.  It just popped into my head one day, and stuck.  The song is actually written as a love song from God to us, so it’s just perfect.  I mainly sing the chorus over and over to Jillian when I rock her to sleep, and I can tell she knows that it’s ‘Mommy’s song’.  She instantly calms down, and knows it’s time to rest. 

So this is one of my ‘unconventional lullabies’, and mine & Jillian’s special song:

"More" by Matthew West

Take a look at the mountains / Stretching a mile high

Take a look at the ocean / Far as your eye can see

And think of Me

Take a look at the desert / Do you feel like a grain of sand?

I am with you wherever / Where you go is where I am

And I'm always thinking of you / Take a look around you

I'm spelling it out one by one.

 

(Chorus)

I love you more than the sun / And the stars that I taught how to shine

You are mine, and you shine for me too

I love you, yesterday and today / And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again

I love you more

 

Just a face in the city / Just a tear on a crowded street

But you are one in a million / And you belong to me

And I want you to know / That I'm not letting go

Even when you come undone

 

(Chorus)

Shine for Me / Shine for Me / Shine on, shine on / Shine for Me

(Chorus)

 

I love you  more than the sun / And the stars that I taught how to shine

You are mine, and you shine for me too

I love you, yesterday and today / Through the joy and the pain

I'll say it again and again

I love you more

 

And I see you / And I made you

And I love you more than you can imagine

More than you can fathom / I love you more than the sun

And you shine for me

 

For a little snippet: (http://ilike.myspacecdn.com/play#Matthew+West:More:242451:s1211234.8134782.2236231.1.1.84%2Cstd_ccf75c5bef0e460b309c22082e76e691)

 

And she's off...

Our girl is WALKING!!!

On Monday night she took her first 4 steps – the first time to get to the laundry basket, and the remaining times to get to Daddy. Those tiny little tentative steps were so precious. Matt and I just smiled and clapped and must have said a hundred “YAY”s. We couldn’t get over it. Such a big girl! This has all gone quite fast, as she didn’t crawl until 9 months. Now she’s walking on her own at 10.5 months!

On Monday she wouldn’t really walk to me (again with the Daddy preference), so I didn’t get to see her face as she did it. Tuesday night, she was consumed with playing with the ball-popper, so there was no walking. But on Wednesday when I dropped her off at school (in her new shoes, by the way), she stood right up by herself, and started toddling towards me. She had the biggest smile on her face, and an expression of sheer joy. I was so proud of her!

Jillian's first walking shoes

Hopefully we can get some video soon and share it with you. I’ve tried to post video to the blog in the past couple of weeks, but haven’t been very successful. Here are a couple of action shots though.

Hmmm – what are some other things that we’ve done recently? Jillian and I walked in the Komen Breast Cancer 5K Walk last Sunday with Matt’s cousin Mary Kay and her family. I didn’t have to push the stroller at all since my niece Macall and nephew Jonah took turns the whole way. It was a bit interesting when Jillian got hungry a mile in to the walk and I had to feed her a banana bit-by-bit as we walked. But she did great, enjoyed herself, and was pointing at all the people. I had never done the breast cancer walk before – and I have to admit, it almost brought me to tears at times. At the end, some volunteers created a human tunnel to congratulate all of the Survivors that walked. Seeing each woman, young and old, walking through that tunnel with smiles and high-fives was just amazing. Each of those women survived breast cancer! It really hit home for me. I need to check myself more often.

What else? Jillian had her first two playdates! We went to my cousin Laura’s house for dinner one night, and Jillian got to play with her second cousin Emma (15 months old), and Emma’s friends Meredith (almost 2 yrs old) and Preston (3.5 yrs old) who were there with their parents too. Emma, Meredith and Preston walked and ran everywhere, so I think that’s where Jillian finally got the bug – you could totally tell that she wanted to be running around with the big girls, and not just pushing the little shopping cart! I think she had fun, and we’ll definitely have to do it again soon. The next day, my friend Sruthi (from college, and now work) came over to our house with her son Joshua. Joshua and Jillian were due within 2 days of each other, but Joshua was born 3 wks early, and Jillian was 10 days late, so they are technically a month apart. Anyway, it was so cute to watch them play. I couldn’t believe how forward Jillian was – she brought her toys to Joshua, tried to touch his hair, and was really trying to get him to interact with her. Maybe she was smitten with his beautiful curls :). Joshua was a little hesitant, sometimes with a look of “Who IS this chick?”, but he warmed up, and they played well. Up to this point, I never really saw Jillian play with other kids, so it was really neat to see that she is a social girl, and likes to play. However, we need to work a little on sharing :). It’s not nice to try and steal your push car back from your guest.

FINALLY!! The most wonderful words...

I was so happy to hear these wonderful words, that I shrieked with excitement.

***** Jillian said "Ma-Ma" *****

In fact, I think I scared her with my shriek of excitement.  I kept saying "Say it again! Say it again!", but she just stared at me like I was from another planet (anyone could have seen that I wasn't far off though), and was probably thinking "This woman is truly insane".

But then, the magical words came again... "Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma"   And my heart melted again.

After hearing two and a half months of "Da-da", then "Ba-Ba", then just "Da", I was beginning to think M's were just never going to happen.  Add to that the clear fact that Daddy is the only one who gets kisses, and the one she snuggles best with, and I was pretty much sold to the idea that I was nothing more than the nasty lady who insisted on cleaning up her dripping snot and booger-filled nose, and therefore making her cry all the time.

But she said it today - and that's all that matters. 

Of course at this point, "ma-ma" likely means anything BUT mommy (much like "da-da").  But I'm choosing not to believe that...

9 months and crawling...

Jillian is mobile! And life as Matt and I know it, for the second time, will never be the same. Over the past few weeks, she had figured out how to maneuver herself around in a small radius by spinning, reaching, and rolling over to get to things out of her reach. Then she made it to all fours, and just rocked back and forth. And-a-one-and-a-two-and-a-three… but no movement. A week ago Friday, I was sitting on the floor with her, and looking at paint samples while she played (we’re painting our first floor and I’ve been trying to decide on colors for weeks now). All of a sudden, there she was in front of me, and had crawled a couple steps to grab for the paint samples! I got all excited, and put a bright orange paint sample out of reach, and she crawled 4 steps to get it – YAY! Then she was done for the night. No more. But I like that she takes an interest in interior decorating :)

Then Saturday morning came along. We went downstairs and after breakfast, I sat her in the middle of the family room so she could play. She crawled a longer distance to get her phone, but was soon tired out. After playing (and capturing what I could on video), I got up and went to the kitchen to do some cleaning up. Assuming that she was just playing in one spot (as she always did), I was startled to hear two little hands banging on the hardwood kitchen floors, and a little face peering from the side of the cabinet. The little peanut just crawled to another room to find me! I was tickled.

Since then, she now follows Matt and I everywhere. She is particularly fond of the kitchen, and staring at her reflection in the face of the dishwasher. She likes the feel of the hard floor on her heels as she sits down and bangs her legs on the floor. And she likes to chase and catch us as we pretend to run away from her. The world is completely new for her, and she is exploring it to the full.

For Matt and I – we made a trip to Toys R Us over the weekend to buy baby gates and cabinet locks to protect our little explorer. I know they are the safe thing to have, but I already DO NOT like them. I’m sure I’ll get used to it, but it drives me crazy to have to open and close a gate just to go up and down the stairs.

Jillian loves the downstairs gate though – last night we watched her grab the bars and pull herself up to standing for the first time on her own. Matt and I were both there when she did it, cheering her on the whole time as she figured out how to get her feet in just the right position to pull up. I didn’t know that I could be so proud. Based on that, I’m going to be a teary mess when she graduates from kindergarten…

Once I figure out how to upload the Flip video to this blog, I will share her crawling video with you. I can’t get enough of seeing that little tushy scootin’ all around :)  Oh, and her 9-month photo is on the right - can she get any cuter?!  The whole 'photo-shoot' was 2 pictures long, since she kept trying to crawl off the chair.  Glad that I was able to catch a good shot :)

It's been too long...

I am bound and determined to get this blog rolling again. :)

I had really good intentions back in April, and had even put a draft post together. But then I put it off, and off, and then the material was irrelevant. I revisited the idea in May, and the same thing happened. Life just gets in the way of the best of intentions sometimes.

Speaking of which, I owe alot of people birthday cards from the past year. And those of you who did receive one may have been appalled that they were 'store bought' (for shame!) instead of my usual 'handmade' greeting cards. I apologize...

But I digress.

At least we have been able to keep in touch over Facebook, and I've been able to share some photos with all of you of Jillian as she grows (If you want to 'friend' me on FB, look up Kim Miller Hatfield). But FB can't catch everything in the little snippet of a status post or a photo caption. Honestly, you just need to spend some time with this girl to truly appreciate how precious, unique, and fun she can be. And what a personality! She can be funny, coy, inquisitive, shy, and stubborn all in a matter of minutes. Now that she is 8 1/2 months old, she is her own little person, and continues to amaze us every day.

Parenthood has treated us well - and along with marriage - it is one of the hardest jobs around. No one prepared us for the emotional and physical rollercoasters of it all. But to sound cliche - I wouldn't trade it. Okay - I would take a vacation from it for a weekend - but I wouldn't trade it.

In the months since Jillian was born, we've had lots going on - I went back to work in February, Matt had hip surgery at the beginning of March, and had a long recovery thru April and in to May, birthday parties in June, our mini-vacation to Ocean City in July, and now it's August. As a non-parent, I would have thought "But there sounds like so much time amongst it all!" But as a parent, I'm thinking "Phew - I don't feel like I've relaxed at all in the last few months." To be honest, I have found little bits of time to relax. But our lives are on Jillian’s schedule now, instead of our honeymoon season fly-by-night schedule – her naps, her feedings, her bedtime. It’s interesting just to plan a trip to Target in between every 3-hr feedings, and two naps thrown into the day. However, Jillian is pretty resilient and easygoing; content with our trips to Target, Lowes, and Costco, and often falls asleep along the way when she needs to. But life has changed, priorities have changed, Sunday afternoon naps are a distant figment of my imagination, coming home from work equals the beginning of our second job with Jillian, and our 10-11 o'clock bedtime is now 9-10 o'clock due to sheer exhaustion, with a rise-and-shine at 5:30am or earlier. Thank goodness Jillian sleeps through the night :) And I've got bottle washing down to 10 minutes tops :)

For me personally, I find it hard to 'rest'. To just sit-down for a second, and not feel guilty that I'm not doing 'something' in the house or for Jillian that needs to be done. There's always something, and I often can't let it go, but I need to. I need to learn how to rest again. I need to learn to let-go. It's very difficult for me.

But these are all thoughts for future posts. Mommyhood has changed me in many ways, and I think they are all for the better. How could you look at this face, and not want to be her Mommy??!

I must be going, but want to leave you with a few pictures from the past 8 months.  Check out the right side bar also to see Jillian's monthly 'birthday' pictures with Mr. Monkey.  At months 1-5, you could just plop her down, and quick shoot the photo before she slumped one way or the other.  Now that she can sit up, she plays with Mr. Monkey, and the paper month label, so it's a little bit trickier to catch her.  It provides for some comical photos though :)  Enjoy!

One of my first smiles (2 months)

Jillian (2 months) and cousin Kaelyn (13 months)

Just chillin' and suckin' my thumb (4 months)

Easter 2010 (4.5 months)

Swinging at the park with Mommy (5 months)

Sitting up (kind of) on my own! (6 months)

Messy with carrots :) (6 months)

Happy July 4th! (7.5 months)

My first trip to the beach with Mommy and Daddy (8 months)

Happy Father's Day Daddy! (7 months)

She's here!!!

Matt and I are so happy and proud to announce that our precious daughter, Jillian Kimberly Hatfield, is finally here!! Jillian was born on Tuesday November 17, 2009 at 2:43pm, weighing 7lbs 13oz, and 21 inches long.

I know that many of you have already heard our wonderful news, either from email, phone, family, or friends, but I wanted to officially post it to the blog. As usual, it's taken me some time to actually post the details of her birth :)

As stubborn as she was in the womb, Jillian was just as stubborn in coming out of the womb. We like to kid that at first, she didn't know what direction she was supposed to go in, and then once she was well-directed, she didn't know quite how to come out :) We eventually had to have her induced, which began on Monday night (11/16), and would have continued likely into the evening of the 17th. But in pure Jillian-fashion - she wanted to make a dramatic appearance. I was induced starting with a gel on Monday night, which should have allowed me to get a somewhat decent night's sleep before the pitocin was added to induce contractions in the morning. Turns out the gel was all that I needed to push me over the edge for labor. I started contracting within about 45 minutes, and things started to get pretty painful from there on out. My contractions were one on top of the other, without a break in between, and they actually gave me some medicine to calm them down, since they were putting stress on the baby's heart rate. I finally couldn't take the pain anymore (and God bless the women who actually go through a fully natural labor without drugs), and got an epidural at 3:30am. Luckily, that allowed me to rest before the morning. At about 8am, my doctor came in, and found that despite my contractions, I wasn't progressing , and the baby was still having heart rate drops with each contraction, which concerned her. Because of the heart rate problems, she told us that if things didn't improve, we would likely have to have a c-section. That made me sad, but at that point, I had felt the pain of what contractions were, had the short experience of labor, and was just concerned with getting her out safely and in good health. I had my water broken, and we just proceeded from there to see what would happen in the next couple hours.

Turns out, things went quickly from there. Jillian's heart rate began to stabilize, and I started to dilate quickly. We thought we wouldn't deliver until the evening, but Jillian had other plans. We didn't need to have a c-section after all, and would be able to deliver the old-fashioned way. By 1pm, I was fully dilated, and ready to push. After an hour and 15min of pushing, out she came! My goodness, it was the most amazing experience. I can't even begin to describe it. Both Matt and I were able to watch her come out, and overall it was just a miracle. I don't know how anyone could not believe in God after witnessing such an awesome miracle.

So here she is!!! And what everyone says is true - we can't imagine going back to life without her. In the week that she's been here, it's been a whole lot of work, and certainly alot of healing for Mommy, but it's all worth it to see that cute little face. With all of her crazy expressions, we like to call her the baby of a thousand faces. Some are just priceless, and I love the ones I get especially when I'm getting ready to feed her. Can't get enough.

So here are a couple of pictures that we want to share of her first arrival, and first week with us here. Hope that you all enjoy them!!

Love to all,

Matt, Kim and Jillian

1. Fresh out of the womb

2. Mommy and Jillian just after birth

3. Daddy and Jillian

4. My first bath

5. Ready for the Ravens game!!! Go Ed Reed!!

Not even close to labor

As you can tell - the hospital didn't keep me today :)

However, the fetal monitoring this morning went great. We arrived at the hospital and were there for about an hour. The nurses hooked me up to a couple monitors and did what was called a non-stress test - they kept track for about 30 min or so how the baby was moving as compared to her heartrate, and whether I was having any contractions. And all was good. The baby was definitely moving around and her heartrate was strong and coordinated with her movement. So, first test -passed! The second test was an ultrasound to measure the amount of amniotic fluid in my uterus to make sure the baby had a good 'cushion' and that everything was healthy inside. Fortunately, there is plenty of fluid around her, and she looks good. She's also still head down! Good girl! So second test - passed!

However, based on the monitoring, there was no indication at all that I was in active labor :( Darn it! I had only one real contraction the whole time I was hooked up, and a number of normal, irregular contractions that the monitor picked up, but I couldn't really feel. After many questions to the nurse, it turns out that all the contractions I had last night were just false labor, and Braxton Hicks (practice) contractions since there was really no pain associated with them. The nurse midwife assured me that with real contractions, I would know the difference :) So, now we just wait until Monday. I guess the magic 8 ball wasn't completely correct after all...

It's entirely possible that I could still go into labor before we are induced Monday night. And I'm kind of hoping for that. But, if it doesn't work that way, we are scheduled to go in to the hospital at 8pm Monday night to start the induction, and by Tuesday afternoon/evening, we should have a baby! One way or another, she will be here in the next few days... and I'm sure that we'll look back and laugh at all the anguish we've put ourselves through in the meantime just waiting for her to arrive :)